Jean Ringo, I will NEVER forget you - NEVER!

When my phone rang this morning, I rushed from the living room couch to answer it - the ringer was loud and annoying.  The number was Blocked ID, and typically I don't answer these calls, but this time I did. The voice on the other end was Patrice Ringo, daughter of Jean Ringo, and immediately I knew something was wrong because she spoke low and reserved. She told me Jean died in her sleep...

*I'm now getting up to close my room door because I can feel the tears coming. 

We both cried over the phone for a little while, and I continued to cry after we ended the call. I tried my best to wipe my tears and then I went and told my mom who was laying down in the other room.  Her reaction was just as stunned as my mine.  And for the next twenty minutes, we sort of went back and forth about the many things we remembered about Jean, and how she had helped us over the years. 

Damn, I might not ever be able to finish this if I can't stop tearing up everytime I think about her. Now I know what Pour La Vie Ayiti feels like when she said "she's going to cry all over her keyboard," because that's exactly what I'm doing by trying to wipe away the tears. I cried a lot when my grandfather Mr. Thornton died.  He was really the first person I had known to pass.  Then when my uncle Ricky was killed in the car crash, I cried too, and even more at the funeral. But this feeling is different.  Jean is by far, the closest person to me to have passed.

To truly understand how much Jean meant to me, I'd be here for 10 years explaining all the things I learned from her, directly and indirectly. As I am writing this, I find myself letting out wellmeant chuckles, because, ironically, that's what Jean taught me, or rather, that is what I learned from her. Just watching the way she interacted with other adults, cracking small jokes, and having a sense of humor, really played a huge role on my impressionable high school freshman mind. I didn't know a lot about nothing, but Jean would somehow find a way to sneak a lesson into everything she did. 

I met Jean by accident. Strange, but true!  Summer 1999 while she was moving into her new place around the corner from me, my mom recognized the woman who was helping Jean move-in. As a result, my mom pretty much volunteered my services to help carry boxes and unpack items for Jean, who was a self-employed business owner, and limited to strenuous activity because of her weight, and previous orthopedic injuries.  Needless to say, I was not happy.  It was Summer vacation for goodness sake!  I was 14yrs. and doing something against my will.  I kinda thought this was unfair, but when she began to pay me $20 dollars per visit, I wasn't so upset anymore.  Soon, I realized this wasn't all that bad. 

I would sometimes spend as many as seven hours at her place.  She would ask me to unpack items, do cleaning (shampoo carpets, dishes, mop floors), organizing books, paint furniture, cut plexi-glass, walk her small dog Spunky, wash her Nissan Quest, run errands with her, or gogive me a project like the infamous "Futon Debacle," haha.  Ok, I admit, I have never put together a futon, or a book shelf, or an entertainment center, computer desk, prior to meeting Jean, but I didn't want to seem like a spoiled child who does absolutely nothing with his hands, so I said I can do it! And Jean, you sat there and had a helluva laugh once the assignment was "complete," haha. It tickled the hell out of you!  I thought I was done, and just like that, you would gesture 'move aside, watch and learn' and then you'd show me how to do it correctly - everytime! You were good.  And all I could do was stand there and deal with it. =)

That was lesson #1 - "Don't do a job half-ass," and I was accused of this often haha.  Until, I put it behind me and no longer did half-assed jobs, right?  Jean, you taught me well. You taught me a lot, Jean. Remember when we were driving, I think this was last Summer, when I tried my best to tell you how much you meant and how much you taught me, and how much I learned over the years?  We were over near Laney college on 880 South, you were dropping me off at Fruitvale Bart, and I was trying to tell you - but I couldn't, because I was feeling really emotional just expressing myself in that way. It wasn't a surprise to you that I really valued everything about you, and you meant so much - more than words, but I really wanted to get it out, but found myself tearing up whenever I began to speak.  The little I did manage to get out, was not enough.  I think you sensed my emotional burst coming, so then like the mother you were, you interjected and showered me with compliments to help me. Hehe, you were always there for those special moments.  

Jean, why did you have to go? You didn't get the chance to see all that I've become.  I told you I was going to make you proud, but now you can't see me do the things I promised. Jean..I fucking owed you! I wasn't done repaying you for what you did for my mom and I!! Remember when I said I couldn't wait to get my own place, and I was going to organize it just like you taught me? And use all those tricks and shortcuts about being a homeowner and owning property? 

Jean. I want to take this chance to apologize for anything I have ever done that wasn't to your standards, or anything I did that wasn't right, or anything that made you upset or annoyed. I know I had my problems but that wasn't my choice. Honestly there were times when I didn't want to help you, or didn't feel like, or figured I could be doing something else.  But that was just my selfishness and really not who I am. There were times when I said I would walk Spunky and didn't follow his usual route, the one that you told me to take. Instead,  I would go half way and just stand in front of the buidling until he pooped. But that was mainly in the beginning when I was too young to understand the lessons I was being taught and the responsibility I was gaining. Your responsibility and your trust. 

You know, when I failed the driver's license test, haha I was sooo quiet during that ride home, huh?  I think you knew I wanted to cry, I was upset and dissappointed in myself so much.  You didn't ask me what I did wrong, and give me an opportunity to make excuses.  Instead, you reassured me that whatever he thought I did to fail, was probably a justifable reason, and all I have to do is practice so I can pass the next time. Haha, I was soooo mad. But Jean, I was listening...

Jean, thank you! Thank you for introducing me to Sally next door, who taught me some really great piano music, and gave me that custom-made book of sheet music. I still have it, and have tried to learn a bunch of those songs.  When you told me Sally's husband died, I was sad for her, and she soon died after. That was especially hard on you, I know, because you two were close. You were close with a lot of people. Old and young. That was one of the many things I admired about you. Thank you for introducing me to your family. Patrice and her Daughter Grace are a dynamic duo.  You loved Grace and always talked about her. And they're both as amazing in person, as you described them. I practically felt like family. Thank you for dropping me off so many places, letting us use your van so we could go to my first concert. You knew how much I loved Bone Thugs haha.  Thanks for letting your niece and I use your sink for her to put a relaxer kit in my hair hhahahahahahaha.  Oh, that was soo great!  I think that is the reason I'm thinning right in the front of my hairline hahahahha.  Jean, thank you for the furniture, the tables and couches, and plants, and pictures. Thanks for helping my mom find that job, and she still has it today. Thank you for all the great home-made sandwiches, and pop. Remember when I told you I got accepted to USF?  You told me I was 'on my way' and you were right! You were right, Jean. And then I got that great job at the school, and then at the hospital? And then I got into Graduate school?  You knew, didn't you?  And my promise to make you proud, will be kept. After my sophmore year of college, I said you didn't have to pay me any more. I was happy to just come and help you with anything. You knew I meant that, but you insisted on paying me anyway, or at least making me some of those great sandwiches, or treating for dinner. 

But the reality is after 8 years, I was not in debt to you.  I felt you didn't have to pay me because I owed you, and I still owe you. The things I learned from you were from love. There is no monetary value, just returned love, in the same way you gave it. 

We had a lot of enjoyed experiences, Jean. The reality is I always worried about your health. I knew that you were very capable, and very smart, but sometimes I would internally question some things you did.  Of course, the smarter I got, especially about cigarettes and our food choices, the more I felt I should say something.  For that, I blame myself.  I never said anything.  That was just respect, but a little part of me feels like I could have helped.  Patrice said you died in your sleep, and I'm glad you didn't feel any pain. I knew sometimes when I was helping out, you were cry out in pain from your joints, but it would soon go away. I was acting concerned, but I should have done more. This was stuff I was studying; the profession I planned on entering, and I just stood there, and tried to help through other ways, besides the way I knew the best.  Those were rough times. 

Jean, I like to believe a lot of this wouldn't be possible without you.  Had you not entered my life that Summer day almost 10 years ago, then my life would have been a helluva lot different. We've been through so much, four girlfriends of mine, 3 places of residences by you, family deaths on both of our sides, then break-ups with those girlfriends, movies on the Independent Film Channel (IFC), and your favorite channel, Sci-Fi, thanks for getting me hooked =)

Jean, you were a genuis! I remember coming across your invention, the Genie Wrap, and asking so many questions about it.  I was amazed at how smart you were, and wondered how someone knew so much about so much. But I guess a lot has happened to you in the past, and that's how you learn - through past experiences, mistakes, trials, failures, and you grow from there. Jean, even though you're gone, I don't think you were done with work, we weren't done with eachother. Amazing Gracey will miss you. Patrice will miss you. My mom will miss you.  We will all miss you very much. Maybe you are up there with Sally talking the 'girl-talk' you two loved doing =) Jean, I hope one day to meet you again, and I hope you are in a better place. I know you were in a lot of pain, and I hope and pray that that pain has since subsided, and now you are truly free! I love you!

Remembered, Jean Ringo

1944 -2008